


Humanity

by Loser_Angel_666



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel (Supernatural), Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, basically a fix it for most of season 15, but it's not explicitly mentioned, except I ignore all the major plot points and just wing it, just briefly implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27982059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loser_Angel_666/pseuds/Loser_Angel_666
Summary: Excerpt:“I’m basically human, Dean. I’m human in every other way there is to be human. I eat, I sleep, I drink, I desire, I love. I don’t want to outlive my family. I don’t want to hear the voices of the few angels I haven’t gotten killed in my head. I don’t want to be hunted for my grace.”“You wanna be human.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 89





	Humanity

Sam, Dean, and Cas head back towards the car, Sam still ignoring Dean in favor of his phone. He’s typing furiously, probably to Eileen, and Dean gives him a side eye behind his back.

Cas makes to get into the backseat, but Dean stops him with a hand in his arm.

“Cas is taking the front this time, Sam, you’re in the back.”

Sam looks up at Dean with a blank look.

“What?” He laughs, affronted. “I hardly fit in the backseat, Dean.”

“Cas never gets the front. It’s his turn.”

Sam looks at Cas, who watches back and forth between them, attempting to stay out of their argument. But it’s true, he never gets the front seat unless it’s just him and Dean. It would be nice to get to ride shotgun over Sam for once, even if it was for the sake of an argument.

“Fine.” Sam shrugs, climbing awkwardly into the back and folding up his long legs. “Happy now?”

“Yep.” Dean says, getting in next to Cas. He sends his best friend a wide grin and Cas offers a small smile in return. Dean pats his thigh before turning the key in the ignition and backing out of the parking space.

***

Back at the hotel, they get together their arsenal, and Dean puts the location of the vamp hideout into his phone. Sam comes out of the bathroom, jacket on and ready to go, and Dean honestly doesn’t want to go into a hunt without making up with his brother. It’s a petty fight anyway.

“Sammy, can we please drop this?”

“You tell me, Dean. I’m not the one who started this.” Sam sighs.

And yes, maybe Dean was the one who told Sam that it was pointless to try a relationship with Eileen. But it wasn’t his fault they lived this life. It wasn’t his fault people they loved never made it out. And maybe he crossed a line when he told Sam not to get attached, it was clear it was too late for that anyway. But Dean is stubborn, so he only looks intently at Sam, lips tight. He gives a nod in defeat and moves to leave the room.

“Dean. I know this life is dangerous okay. But do you really want to be stuck alone and miserable when there’s someone right in front of your face?”

“Being alone isn’t always miserable.”

“I know, but just... think about it. Wouldn’t you rather enjoy the time you have? You’ll regret it if you never even try.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’ll be hurt either way. I’d rather not waste the time we have.” Sam sighs.

Dean nods. He gets it. He does. And in the end he’s happy for Sam. He wants this for him. But he’s scared, and he can’t tell if it’s for himself or for Sam. Maybe both of them.

“I’m not angry.” Sam sighs. “I’m just... I’m not going to stop this just because you’re worried for us. Eileen is strong. We both are. And we know the risks.”

“I trust you Sammy.” Dean says, and Sam gives him a smile like a kid who just got a new puppy.

They’re back on the road in only fifteen minutes, Sam is still in the back, even though he and Dean have made up, and Cas looks pleased to be in the front seat again.

***

There are 8 vampires and only three Winchesters. Dean thinks he should have let Jack gone with them, even if he was a little rusty. The kid was still recovering from getting his soul back, but he’s powerful, even when he’s weak.

Cas smites one quickly, moving on to fight violently with two more at once, and Dean is successful knifing down the biggest of the group and Sam takes down two in quick succession. But when Sam gets a hit to the head, going down far too quickly, Dean gives a last slash of his dagger before hurrying to his aid. Cas doesn’t get there in time, still struggling with his low grace, and things go downhill from there.

Sam is coming back to consciousness, trying to pick himself back up as quick as he can, there are two vamps on Dean and one on Cas, Cas has elected to save his grace, and is now using his angel blade, and Dean is pushed up against one of the walls while the last vampire turns to Sam.

With a clawed hand gripping Dean’s face, he feels himself losing consciousness, sinking out of their painful reality and into darkness.

He can hear murmurs of sound; a blade clatters to the ground, a hand falling on Dean’s shoulder.

“Dean?”

“Is he okay?” Sam’s voice asks. There are fingers on his neck, checking for a pulse.

“He’s alright. Go get the victims out of the back room,”

Dean is being lifted and dragged to lean against a wall and then there’s a few moments of silence before he hears Sam’s voice.

“Cas there are more. I got almost everyone out, but it’s crawling with vamps down there.”

“Okay, you go help the rest of the victims out, and then get back to the car as fast as you can, call me when you’re ready and I’ll blast the rest of them.”

“How are you gonna do that?”

“A sigil, now hurry,” Cas tells him and Sam lets the door shut behind him.

Dean forces himself to open his eyes then, He’s slouched against a cold wall on a cement floor and everything is dizzy. Cas immediately kneels next to Dean, a hand on his cheek and checking for injuries.

“Are you hurt?”

“I’m okay, I’m good.” Dean mumbles and Cas tilts his head to the side, inspecting a bruise forming on his cheekbone. “Don’t heal me, Cas.” Dean says and Cas looks at him sadly before nodding. 

They took out the rest of the vampires and Cas has drawn a large complicated sigil on one of the walls and a few minutes later, he can hear Sam coming through the speaker of Cas’ phone in his pocket.

“The last of them is out, you need to do it now!” Sam says and Dean is blinking the blurriness from his eyes, trying to push himself up so he can help, but he’s dizzy, only making it a few steps toward Cas. 

Then there’s a flash of light, which is quickly drowned out by darkness. There’s a solid warmth around him, arms wrapping around his shoulders and something coming to rest tightly against his back, pulling him against Cas’ chest. Then Cas is crouching, bringing Dean down with him, until they’re huddling against each other on the floor. It’s hard to tell exactly what’s happening before he realizes it’s Cas. His wings folding down over Dean, protecting him from the sigil, and his arms holding Dean securely against his chest. If he could find it in him to think, he might have been embarrassed.

It’s not long before Cas’ wings are unwrapping themselves from around Dean and becoming invisible once again. Cas, stands up, and then pulls Dean up too, both of them stumbling from the sudden energy of the sigil. The room is silent, save for Dean’s breathing and the rustle of Cas’ trench coat.

“What the fuck was that?” 

“That was a sigil. I made it up, so I wasn’t sure if it would work. Or if it would injure you as well. Better safe than sorry.” He says and Dean only nods.

“Did it get them all?”

“I can’t sense them, but I think I burnt through too much of my grace smiting that first vampire. It’s growing weak.”

“Weak?” Dean asks.

“Yes, Dean. Weak. My grace has not been strong in years, I thought you knew this.” Cas says, unbolting the door carefully and peaking around the corner. All clear.

“Yes, but do you mean weak as in… not strong, or as in becoming human?” Dean asks. Cas is silent for a moment, and Dean gets enough of an answer from that, he claps Cas on the shoulder in sympathy. “You should have told us, man.”

“Told you what? That I’m basically not an angel anymore.”

“Yes! We would’ve tried to help. Or… I don’t know. We’re in this together,”

“Thank you, Dean. I don’t think you can help though.”

“Don’t say that, we could probably find a way,” Dean reassures him. Cas shakes his head.

“You’re misunderstanding. I don’t want help.” 

“Why don’t you want help?” Dean asks incredulously. “We want to help you,” Cas only stares ahead, ignoring him until they get outside. As soon as they’re into the sunlight, seeing Sam dealing with the authorities, Cas rounds on Dean, his face is stern but his voice is still soft.

“I want to be able to heal you Dean. I want to be able to protect you and help you, and defend you, but my grace is diminishing. It is burning up as we speak, my wings are broken and burnt and it’s painful. Okay? I will miss it. But being an angel isn’t the life I want anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m basically human, Dean. I’m human in every other way there is to be human. I eat, I sleep, I drink, I desire, I love. I don’t want to outlive my family. I don’t want to hear the voices of the few angels I haven’t gotten killed in my head. I don’t want to be hunted for my grace.”

“You wanna be human.”

“I’m sorry if that’s inconvenient for you.” Cas deadpans and Dean catches him by the sleeve before he can turn and walk away.

“Well then we’ll be here for emotional support.”

“Emotional support?”

“Yeah, Cas. I don’t give a fuck if you’re angel or human. You're a total badass either way. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still help.” Dean says. Cas looks at him, head tilted, before he smiles softly.

“Thank you, Dean.” He sighs.

“Of course, Cas.” Dean rolls his eyes and pulls his friend into a hug. “You keep us updated alright? We’re in this together, you dick.”

“Alright.”

The two of them go to help Sam with the police, easily coming up with a story and explaining their way out of it. Soon enough, They’re back on the road and headed home to the bunker.

Once they get there it’s late, Jack is in Bed, and the three of them sit down around the table with a few beers. They talk for a while, and Cas tells Sam about being human.

“Why do you want that?” Sam asks. Dean glares at his brother, but Cas seems unbothered.

“I have something to live for. I figure I can’t do that if I’m a cosmic being.”

“What are you living for then?” Dean asks, surprised by Cas’ answer. He looks at Dean for a moment, evaluating the situation.

“You.” Cas says easily. Sam looks between the two of them with wide eyes, like he’s excited for them to finally admit their feelings, but then Cas turns to Sam. “And Sam. And Jack.” 

“We’re glad to have you here, Cas.” Dean nods in understanding and gets up to get another beer from the kitchen. 

“It’s okay if it’s just Dean though,” Sam says once Dean is out of earshot. Cas scrunches his eyebrows in confusion.

“I care for Dean deeply, and I admit, in a different way than I do you and Jack. But I would not base my humanity on a single man. I care about this universe. I care about my family. I want to experience life with all of you, the way any other human would.”

“Oh,” Sam says, “Well that’s nice, Cas. I’m happy for you,”

“Thank you, Sam.” Cas smiles, Dean returns a moment later with three bottles, which he hands off to Sam and Cas.

***

Over the next few days, they go easy on the hunts, only taking cases they know won’t take too much energy or require any angelic help. Dean takes Cas into the dungeons and helps him perfect his fighting. Cas has always been a strong fighter. He’s good with tactile fighting, even better with a blade, so really they spend most of their time on shooting.

It’s not long before they’re once again in the face of danger. A demon this time, it was after Cas because of some year old grudge. When they were collecting ingredients to save Jack’s soul, they needed demon blood, and this guy's brother was the one to pay up. 

There’s an angel blade to Dean’s throat and Sam is grappling with invisible binds around his neck. Cas is defenseless, the last of his grace being the only thing left. 

“Don’t, Cas.”

But he’s already glowing, the demon holding Cas back shrivels to dust and the demon holding back Dean looks on in fear. Cas’ wings spread out behind him, only visible in shadow, and Dean gapes. They’re broken, and missing nearly all of their feathers, and it makes Dean’s chest ache to see Cas, who had been so powerful, so unwavering in strength, look so weathered. Yet he still radiates strength and his glowing eyes stare right into the demon while he smites him. Sam is released from the invisible ropes, and Dean slumps back against the wall, the blade that was against his throat falls to the ground.

As soon as the demon has fallen, Cas does too, and Dean races forward, catching him under the arms and holding him up.

“Sammy!” he calls, and Sam stumbles over, looking as worried as Dean feels. Sam reaches out for Cas’ neck with two fingers and looks up at Dean, relieved.

“He’s got a pulse,”

“Cas?” Dean asks gently, lowering them down and letting Cas rest in his lap. “Hey, buddy, wake up,”

Dean pats Cas’ cheek and the angel’s eyes open slowly blinking up at Dean.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah, you’re okay. How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a truck. Or three.” Cas grumbles and Dean laughs, letting his hand rest in Cas’ hair. Cas smiles and Sam backs away, nodding in relief.

“How about the grace?” Sam asks quietly. Cas looks off at nothing for a minute, then he closes his eyes and moves to try and sit up. Dean puts his hand on Cas’ back to help him, and Cas winces, making Dean pull away worriedly.

“It’s gone.”

“Are you alright?” Dean asks and Cas nods, looking tense and in pain. “Come on, man, what can we do?” 

“My back,” Cas says, and Dean is already helping him pull off his trench coat and suit jacket.

The back of Cas’ white button up is soaked through with blood, the cloth sticking to his skin and Dean freezes for a moment before he sets into action, keeping Cas upright while trying to get the shirt off so he can assess the damage. They don’t have the time or supplies to get Cas to the motel and fix the wounds, even trying to carry him to the impala would jostle him too much. So While Dean Holds Cas against him, Sam calls an ambulance.

By the time the sirens are approaching, Sam has taken care of the demon’s bodies and put their weapons back in the impala so they won’t end up in jail. Sam gets them a room at the closest motel, and as soon as Cas has been stabilized, Sam manages to get Dean back to the hotel, promising that if there is any information at all, he’ll call. 

Dean only sleeps two hours, and when Sam shows up in the morning, Dean very nearly flips on him for leaving Cas. So it’s six AM and Dean is eating frozen waffles in the little metal chair by Cas’ bedside. 

He’s to be released at noon, as long as he wakes up and isn’t in too much pain, but Dean still finds time to worry. At least he doesn’t have to worry about Cas not waking up at all; he’s already opened his eyes a few times, leading Dean to scoot his chair closer, abandon his cold waffles, and put a gentle hand on Cas’ shoulder.

At some point, Dean takes Cas’ hand, and in his sleep, Cas’ squeezes back. They stay like that for a half hour, and when Cas begins to wake up for good, Dean tries to slip his hand away, but Cas’ fingers tighten, so he gives in, rubbing soft circles over his knuckles.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Tired.”

“That’s basically all being a human is Cas.”

“Humanity is so much more than exhaustion Dean,” Cas grumbles, still half asleep.

“Yeah, yeah. In love with humanity.” Dean laughs softly. “How’s your back?”

“My wings are gone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” Cas says. He turns his head on the white hospital pillow to look at Dean fondly. “How are you, Dean?”

“I’m not the one in the hospital, man. I feel fine.”

Cas rolls his eyes, smiling, and lifts their hands, to his chest. Dean has to move in closer for his arm to rest on Cas’ chest comfortably, and that leaves his face comfortably close to Cas’. 

It’s a sweet moment. Dean’s worries for his friend fading with every breath Cas takes. Smiling at each other, and feeling at peace. They’ve always stared at each other, haven’t they? But it feels odd to do it so openly. Dean wonders if Cas knows how Dean feels. He wonders if Cas feels the same. There’s no way a straight man would hold another man's hand like this. But Cas is strange, maybe he’s an exception. Dean almost wants to find an excuse for himself, the thought of being comfortable in his sexuality seems daunting. But Cas’ eyes are kind and caring and Dean has been working on this. He has. He’s not going to turn his ass back into the closet as soon as the option of being out presents itself.

He does pull away when Sam walks in, even if it does virtually nothing. Sam had seen their hands, Dean’s still sitting so close to the bed that his knees are touching the mattress. Cas is looking at Dean, and Dean kind of wants to reach back out and take his hand again but he’s a coward.

“Doctor’s gonna be in soon, I brought breakfast for after since hospital food is shitty.”

“Thank you, Sam.” Cas nods.

The doctor tells Cas that he’s all set, prescribed some pain meds, and soon enough he’s sitting up in his bed, burger in hand, looking so fucking human. 

“So, Cas, what do you wanna do now that you’re human?”

“I’m not sure.”

“We could go on a road trip.” Dean suggests.

“We’re always driving though,” Sam complains

“Beach?”

“Cas is still hurt,” 

“We don’t need to do it now,” Dean grumbles. 

“What if we start with a nice dinner out.” Sam suggests.

“Like to a restaurant?” Dean asks, Sam nods, swallowing his bite of salad.

“Why not? We never do that. I could call Eileen, we could all go out together.”

“Like a double date?” Cas interjects and Dean chokes on his drink while Sam nods easily.

“Exactly. A double date! Dean?” Sam looks at Dean with his expectant puppy eyes and Dean looks to Cas, who’s wearing almost the same look.

“No.” Dean says shaking his head. “No way.” Cas looks away at the same time that Sam throws his hands up in the air.

“Why not? It doesn’t need to be a date, Dean.” Sam says, and Dean holds up his hands in surrender.

“I can cook! Why would we go out when I can cook?”

“Because we never go out?”

“Well then Jack is coming too. I’m not having a double date be my first date with Cas, man.”

“You- wait, what?” 

“I mean, no. That’s not-” Dean turns bright red, shaking his head. “I didn’t-” he gives up trying to find an excuse, instead stuffing his burger in his face and avoiding both of their looks.

“Okay, so a family dinner then.” Sam saves him.

“Good.” Dean nods, mouth still full. He can’t look at Cas, but he feels his eyes on him, curious and confused but not prying. Dean sneaks a glance at him, smiles, and then puts the rest of his fries in his mouth.

“Family dinner sounds nice to me.”

***

A few weeks have passed, and Dean has grown used to their new family dinners every evening. They still go on hunts, but the majority of them have been close to home, and Jack, with his new soul and strengthening powers, has been able to reshape their technique single handedly. 

Chuck, it seems, is no longer a threat, and the empty has found itself at peace once more, though Cas would not have been able to rest there anyway, now that he’s human. He’s healed well, and he’s not the best hunter, but he’s decent enough.

Eileen and Sam hunt together often, as do Cas and Dean. Dean has to keep reminding himself that him and Cas are not like Sam and Eileen. They are not in love. They aren’t. 

Except Dean has been open with his sexuality, even if he hasn’t stated it outright. He doesn’t shy away from admitting that he finds the male lead in a movie hot in addition to the female leads, and he lets his hand linger on Cas’ shoulder for far too long. He’s become himself. He’s become free. Cas can feel it too, and he seems to return the sentiment. Dean still fears Cas is only matching Dean’s movements. Maybe the ex-angel does not feel the same way. It’s not because he’s an angel, Dean reminds himself, Gabriel had no problem with love and desire. But Cas was always different.

They’re driving home from a hunt and Dean sees Cas in the passenger seat from his peripheral vision, dark hair messy. There’s a smear of blood across his cheek, reminding Dean that Cas is human now. Cas can bleed. The sun lights up Cas’ eyes and Dean’s heart stops. He smiles to himself, thinking, this has to be the moment. He has to say this now. Because he feels it in every glance. Every touch. Every smile. He feels it so much he thinks he’ll explode.

If he doesn’t tell Cas now, he’ll have to build up the courage again tomorrow, and if he keeps putting it off, they’ll run out of time. So he turns down the music.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Mhm?”

“I uh,” Dean clears his throat, hands tightening on the steering wheel. Cas straightens in his seat, like he knows what’s about to happen. Dean stares straight ahead. “I love you.” 

It comes out much too casual, and much too vague, and Cas easily misinterprets it.

“Dean, you know I-”

“No, no. I mean…not family. Not brothers. Not my best friend.” He breathes out. “You are my best friend, obviously. But I also love you.”

“Dean?”

“Just… just give me a second, I’m not good at this.”

“Take your time.” Cas whispers, and he lets his hand rest on Dean’s shoulder, warm and comforting, looking at Dean, and if looks could talk, his would be a confession in and of itself.

“I’m in love with you, Cas. I want you, with me… for every goddamn fight and… I want to retire with you.”

“You want to retire?”

“If you want. Probably not all the way, but… yeah.”

“I’m in love with you too, Dean. I thought you knew that.”

“Oh. Well. Good. That’s good then.” Dean nods, grinning. Cas is grinning too, and Dean makes a plan to take the next exit so he can finally kiss the love of his fucking life.

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of messy and out of character, but I just need to get it out of my way, i've had this tab open for far too long, I hope you enjoy


End file.
